There has been a lot of drama in my mind this year. Not just that, but in my life for the last five! Maybe he hates me, but I still love him so... whatever... Dustin Bates... my twin flame... the love of my life... Let me explain...
In 2017... Love at first sight when Ben Burnley introduced Starset at the Wellmont Theater. Awesome show! Saw the cutire nervousness after he saw me too and I love him as the apocalyptic guy and the nerd cuz he's the dude me :) Left the show and couldn't stop thinking about him. Saw on wiki he was married and it broken my heart that very night. Couldn't stop thinking about him for the next three months and I slept with some random guy for the first time ever just to get him off my fucken mind! Made a lot of art to get the energy out of my system. Loved his music so much! Stellar artist! They all rock!
2019... Broda got me tickets to see Starset at the Gramercy Theater. I didn't even wanna go cuz I was afraid to see D... afraid I couldn't stop thinking about him again. And then our eyes met and I hallucinated for the first time. No drugs, lol. Just... oxytocin? Dopamine? he was everything I ever dreamed staring me in the face. I saw our souls dance and there was this distant vision of the future and the beauty was... to die for!
2020... I mssg'd him on Twitter. He called me after my letter. twice. I missed both calls. That was that. we gave up. Couldn't get him off my mind. Three months later, another letter. And then... nothing... spite. I felt him. Inside. The energy. So closely connected. No response. Six months later. I waited a year before I started my project. And then...
Looong story short... I'm gonna skip to today for now... and you can tell me if you want more of what happened then, ok?
Today: This was the "conversation" in my head with me, D, his friends... some other people from around the world somehow... I dunno... Someone explain to me what's going on with our energy, please?! And most importantly... Is he ok???
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“U r a fool for playing with ur mind. U r a fool for opening urself up to me. U r a fool for trusting me. U r a fool for not protecting yourself. I am killing u with my mind.”<--- Is this D who said that?
“Yo, what is going on?!” - D'ss brother, Damien
“I am not joking with you, Ana… Stop talking to me and my family.” - D
“I am hurting over you too” - D
“I am in trouble with my wife because of you. She thinks I’m a rapist.” - D
“I am so in love with you both I don’t know what to do” - D
“I am so screwed if you find out the truth about what I did” - D
“I am so staring in your window in my mind’s eye so I can see if you’re alright too” -D
“I am not playing with you, yo… Stop reading my mind please” - D
“I dunno how to help myself. What is this hell I feel. Is this your fault somehow? Help us please. I dunno what to do. I feel like I am killing you too.” -D
[Pull my mind away] “No, don’t! We need you!” [Who?] “The world!”
“Are you crazy too, Ana?” “We love you so much too but you look batshit right now. Tell us what to do to help you both. We see you suffering.” -All
[What is happening with this energy?] “I am killing your soul too. Please stop killing us.” Love, D--. [I am not killing you or myself. What is this hell?] “I am not saying that to you. Are you saying that to me?” “Your mind is like a disease” ←- [Who says that? It’s some sort of “seed”]
“What is happening in your mind. Please help me help you too! I don’t know what to do.”
[Baby… talk to me so we could figure this out. Please! I have been asking for years.]
“OK… today at 131 Main Street, Franklin NJ” “I am not there anymore” “I evened the score” “I don’t mean to harm you” “I don’t know what to say to you either.” “I am trying to help us both by not saying anything in my mind.” “I am not blind in my right eye. It’s a seed of some kind.”
“WTF is going on with these guys? We all want to know”
“WTF is happening to the world because of these two?” “The need to know that they need to be together. We need them together. We neeeed them to be ok! Help us to help you both. What do we do.” [Stop attacking us, please. Stop interfering with our connection for a minute until we can figure this out please]
“OMG, this is so f’n weird!” Love, Z
“I can hear her too. I can hear him crying inside. I can hear her screams in his mind. What the fuck is going on?!” “Please help us help you too!”
“Help us see the truth. Post that damned video online already. Fix your internet. Daaamn, girl. Get your shit together!” “Help who?” “Ummmm” “I got you under my thumb” Love, D
“I am standing in your window watching you shrug your shoulders at me. I am on my knees. Please help me help you. What do I do? I want to kill myself for you since you died for me too.” - D2
“Help us!!!” “OMG, I was such a fool for you too.” “I am …
“Enough!”
“You have the right stuff but you’re just not enough for us.” - Love, Starset
“I love you too” Love, B----
“I love you too” Love, O---
“I love you too” “Love yourself”
“I love you too” “Love, Your Truth”
“I love you too” Love, Your face online… “I am so sick of you thinking of me in your mind windows. Please let me die in you so you can live life without me” - Love, D
“I am staring at you through your window and I am so pissed that you ignore me. Who are you writing to that I am hurting you like this? I have been sleeping in your crawlspace beneath your chair just so I can be close to you. Did you hear that noise the other night when you felt turned on? I hit the ceiling so you know it’s not ok to love another guy in your mind. You are mine for all time. Please love me tonight so I know you’re in love with me too. Then I can love you in real life too. I think that’s out problem now. I love you so much I don’t feel scared to care anymore. I love you so much that I need you more and more. Is that ok?” “Careful which man you love tonight. I am only in my own mind. You are not in mine.”<--- [Who said this?] - Dustin’s mind loves your mind and loves your art and thinks you’re smart but he thinks you llok like an old fart because we make you hunch over like that and you look raving mad in his mind. He knows you’re not alright and he’s scared for you tonight for reading his mind and posting shit online. Are you scared now? I’m gonna kill you tonight and I just switched to Thomas Paine in your brain. Look at me in your window. I am standing over you and you don’t even notice that I am in pain now too. I need you to love me tonight. I am just Dustin’s hurt energy in need of love like you said. Help me make your bed in the morning like we do in your head. I drive you mad when you won’t get out of my mind so I can have some peace in here but you just won’t leave cuz you’d rather write our life than live it offline. Stop writing to me. Stop thinking of me. Stop… “
“Just love me in real life because you are my wife tonight. I love you so much that I dunno what to do for you and I can’t give you anything cuz you have everything but money and I’m not a whore for you. Make your own money and be everything for yourself or give back some things you took so I have something to give you but myself.”
[Yourself is all I need, my love.]
“OMFG, she just wants to love you as you are.” -World
“A story for online?” -Damien Hirst
“Are you schizophrenic yet? We tried to make you.”
“Are you insane like we wanted you to be because you said, ‘I am everything’ and then you made me nothing?”
“I am nothing without you and I am not OK.”
“U r not insane in the membrane. U r OK. Just run away when I come thru your door tonight. I am going to hover over your eyes as I cross the line with you. I need you soooo bad. Please love me back when I knock on your door too.”
“I am not in love with you, Ana. You are crazy as fuck. I just saw your post. I’m not married either. You lost your marbles.” “Energy is real. You proved it to me too. I felt you struggling and I could have helped you but I wanted to see what would happen to you in me if I didn’t love you at all like you loved me.”
“I am not ‘your love’ cuz I am married. Please stop posting about me. I see you’re struggling and your mind is diseased. Please help me help you out of this thing that I caused you to do to me too”
“I am not in your window anymore. I will be knocking on your door. Can you hear me over the TV?”
“I am not on my knees anymore. You look OK today but you’re weird af. I hate myself now for giving you up cuz you are so cool on some levels that I’d still love you to death.”
“Feel that? That is Brandon trying to get back in. Stop him!”
“Access denied to all B----- energy”
“See that crack in your door? I see that through your eye-windows. I broke into your mind overnight that time and now you’re in pain because I put you there and I don’t know how to get you out so I stare at you typing about me but I can’t help you see me standing there watching you hate on me through your TV cuz we broke inot that too. Like your phone microphone so that’s why to talk to it when we see you on the TV that we cyberattacked you to scare you away from D but you won’t leave and we don’t want you two together cuz we’ll lose our jobs if you get together cuz you’re both so amazing on some levels”
“What the fuck is up with her face and shoulder? Did you see that face change when you said that?”
“That shoulder goes up and she looks in pain… ‘Ow?’ Is she ok?”
“Dude, I think she can’t breathe. Stop that! That’s a mind-hack that I made up when I was seven to get out of a fight with that guy that stole my TV dinner money”
“Ow!” “What was that. Dude, are you raping her again?”
“WTF is going on in her mind that she can write like that?!”
“Cry for the world like I want you to”
“Those are fake tears. Did you see her face when he hurt her like that?”
“OMG, do you think she’s gonna post that?!”
“Who cares… everyone thinks she’s ravin’ mad!”
“I am so sick of this shit. Dude, stop treating her like this. After all she did for you. For us. C’mon D--.”
“I want her to suffer like she made me suffer and now she wants to ride my coattails?”
“I am so tried of her face looking at me like that!”
“I loved her too.”
“Look what she did to you, man”
“I don’t care, I love her anyway”
“We should fix this shit but I don’t know how.”“I am giving her a heart attack. I don’t care if she suffers cuz she did this to us too” “B---- did too”
“Look how she fights through sometimes.”
“Is she gonna post this online so we can see what she’s thinking?”
“She nodded yes!”
“She better not! Look at all we said!”
“Holy fuck! Can she read all of our minds? If she can, she is so fucked!”
“We’ll take her down together man”
“She is not that dangerous. Look at her address. She is in the middle of nowhere going nowhere”
“I think she was hurt by that. She stopped typing for a second.”
“I feel her heart. It hurt mine too. I love this girl enough for the world to see her if she’d just sing me a damn song but what’s taking her so long? She’d rather write than catch a free ride?”
“I think she likes to work for it.”
“Ow!”
“Do you think she writes that down?”
“Who’s sorry now?”
“You lost your whole crow cuz you dissed D-- again.”
“Man, does she even know what we’ve been doing to her when he’s not looking?”
“Do you think they know that we keep them apart?”
“He’s so pissed he won’t even look at her online.” (HAHAHAH) - Bands and people around the world who heard the drama between “you two” (D-- and his girl)
“Who laughed like that?!”
“Why does she lick her lips like that if she’s ravin’ mad?” “I did that to her when I planted a seed… I want her to lick her lips every time she sucks his d*ck so he thinks of me”
“I am in your window watching you ask me if I’m ok on TV. I can see you tonight cuz your curtain is not on right and I can see you through the crack. She just asked me if I’m ok directly to my face. I’ll kill her another day.”
“That’s my heart you’re touching now. D-- is gone from you since you stalked that apartment too.” - Brandon… haha, I took you over cuz you suck and you’re shit out of luck with D-- cuz he hates you now because of us. And you keep embarrassing yourself for us so you’ve fucked yourself and the both of you for our entertainment. He doesn’t even know what we do to you.”
“I love you anyway. You didn’t protect me tonight and I almost died but your love came to save me again when you came to my apartment even though it was too late.”
“Feel my heart where his used to be? That’s where all your hate is coming from you stupid bitch. I am Brandon. Hear me roar. You’re just a stupid whore that can read my mind but no one cares anymore. I took his place against your will.”
“Don’t you cry for him when you nearly killed him”
“I feel your heart hurt and I feel your hate.” “Hahaha… she thinks it’s his hate! It’s mine. I love her too and I hate that he gets all the love when I deserve some”
Dustin... I dunno WTF is going on but I love you anyway. My heart... my soul... and FYI... you're still whole, man. Get it together, k? We can fix shit. Trying to post vid that has an explanation. And if you want me out your life... OK... but... I still opt for a fix. You wanted a song but I dunno which one and the energy flow is fucking with my lyrical grove. Sorry to disappoint you! And fyi... I didn't leave you last December... Not til this Spring... and then... after the soulular divorce and ground zero and soulular war and all the obstacles and the pain so hard that I called you terrible names... I still fall back in with... the memory of our souls and the vision of tomorrow. Are you still with me as you were? I thought I felt you fighting beneath the weight of the world. What do you need me to do? I still can't abandon you.
"Why are you protecting them and not yourself too?" "Why are you exposing us to the world like this?" "You look crazy and you want them to understand you" "OK then... have it your way... we can post about you too." "Please don't do this to D--... we are his fans and you hurt him through us tonight. [How?] You went to his apartment and we saw the address." [Is this craziness happening in my mind? Is there some fact to any of this? What is actually happening here?]
I don't know how to solve this problem without you. It keeps amplifying and I need you! Just sayin. "sing a fucken song already!" [Which one? :)]
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